After that day we kept in touch on Skype. We had like a little plan after what happened and it was: getting it a little further so we started to heat up each other like: Sending very kinky photos we found on Tumblr, telling our most secret fantasies or how we would do this and that to each other or what we would let the other do. For me, at least, it was a struggle because I wanted it and sometimes it was a week before I could go to my home town where he was. Some times I had the urge to masturbate but I had to fight it. I wanted to be as ‘fresh’ as possible.

When the day finally came I was in my awning doing something with my laptop since I discovered that I had free wi-fi. He came to my house that night and seriously I didn’t know what to expect. I was nervous; one because I didn’t know how far we would get and two, because my aunt and sister were inside the house. I didn’t want to let out some moans and creep out my family.

Well, anyway he arrived in his car and went straight towards me. (Duh, cuz I was the first one there.) We say hi and continued doing what I was doing, he sat on my lap since he is very, very skinny (and tall) and stared what was on the screen. We were laughing and talking when he leaned back and started kissing my neck. It felt oh, so nice. He started touching my breasts, playing with my nipple. I had to stop him because I was afraid that someone might come out and see us. 

He didn’t care much so every time I stopped him he wold go back and bite me. I tried to ignore him a little by doing what I was doing on my laptop until he started caressing me on my lady part. I was wearing jeans so he was struggling to feel me (which I found quite amusing so I had to help him a little.) Then he went to unbutton my jeans. I grabbed his hand and pushed it away. We started a little fight of I try and I stop. He tried to slide it in but failed until my aunt came out to the awning.

We both jumped out of shock. I kept doing my thing and he was looking. It was normal that boys would sit on my lap ( I am the chubby tomboy girl with no hope of having a bf… working on it!) or hug me. So he said hi and my aunt went back in. I couldn’t help it anymore and told him to get in his car and that I would be right over. I went to the bathroom, cleaned my self and went out.

When I entered he started kissing my neck… biting it. It felt amazing and then he started feeling me again but this time I let him enter my jeans. He chuckled and said that I was already wet… what did he expect? Well, then he went under my panties and I let out a big gasp. 

He went for the rough way and entered me making me scream. I had to contain it because I didn’t want the neighbors to wake up. I had to push away his hand away to take a breath. He started playing with my clit a little more, that made me jump occasionally and I had to push him again. 

He started playing with my breasts. He took one out and sucked it… bite it. I gasped, hissed… it was amazing. It hurt though but I didn’t mind much. It felt nice. While he was sucking my left breast he was pinching the right one. Out of nowhere he entered me with his long fingers again making me moan. Good thing was I was getting wetter than ever… bad part he had long nails. 

I told him to stop a couple of times because of it… but sometimes he didn’t listen and kept going. Being dominant… wetter!. Sometimes he went slow making my hips move up and down while he suck my nipple or my neck. It was pure gold. But then he would push his fingers so hard and up that my back would arch and I would let out a scream… he liked when I screamed… he wanted me to scream.

After we were getting while someone arrived at my house. It was one of my two best friend who’s name shall be Fabulous for personal reasons. (She is fabulous and fashionable and very outgoing and flirty… everything that I am not.) We jumped again and I went out. I had forgotten that Fabulous was going to get me to go out with her. I had to run to the bathroom and change because he made a mess out of me. My pants were stained by blood… and I was not on my period. 

I freaked out because I didn’t know what to do. Thank the heavens my mother believed everyting that I said and told her that I was on my period. When I got out Fabulous was talking to him about boy issues. 

“It’s better to take advise about boys from a boy itself.” she said more or less.

I told him what happened and he chuckled or something like that. I don’t remember much. When I got back from out girls-night-out I checked my self in the mirror just in case and he left me yet another hickey and marked my breasts. I rolled my eyes… Beast!

All most one month a go I took a risk. I was talking with a friend of mine from high school. He is a very nice guy and a good friend, anyway we were talking through Skype one night. I don’t remember quite well what were talking about but I remembered that I typed: “No one really knows me and that he couldn’t assume about me. Not even my closest friend.” or something along the lines. Apparently that made him curious, though it wasn’t my intention.  Then we started talking and I told him that my past was a little shameful. After that I told him everything and I mean absolutely everything.

It felt kind of good and the good part was that he didn’t judge me, but that was my first fear when I told him all this. So, his curiosity grew bigger and bigger an started asking more questions. I answered at first in riddles or hesitating until I let every detail slip. Until that day I thought that I was a very sick girl… in the head. I still think it but not as much. Hehe. 

We talked a lot that day until one thing led to another we I told him (or he asked me, don’t remember well.) what turns me on the most. One was licking my ears and kissing my neck. Then he threatened me by saying that he wanted to do it or something like that. We started flirting until I had to go to bed because the next day I had class.

When I got to my hometown with another friend, I got late and my guy friend was waiting for me at my house. The three of us stayed at my front yard talking about mangas and the stars in the sky and how awesome the moon looked (the bastard started kissing my cheeks, getting me turned on in front of my other friend)… after that my friend left and the two of us were alone. We started talking, he hugged me and I hugged him back.  Slowly he grabbed my neck and started kissing it, then went up to my ear and licked it slowly. 

It was the first time that a boy did that to me so I rejected him a little, but my smile told him that that wasn’t it. Then he hugged me again, facing his back to the house so that no one would see what he was doing to me; those kisses were making me hot very fast. I was shaking and panting, he smiled and asked me if I was OK and I nodded. I felt his hand reach for my breast and I let him, as he kept kissing me he went under my shirt and grabbed it, pinching my nipple. I fallowed him to his car and he sat on his seat. He invited me in and I put a knee in the seat leaned so that I would continue to kiss me. 

Every time our faces were close I turned it because I didn’t want my first kiss to me like that and he understood. He started sucking my neck and grabbing my breast. It felt fantastic. He pulled down the shirt and started sucking my nipple. I shuddered in pleasure and I watched him as he bit it and suck it. My forehead was against his forehead and it felt warm. 

Suddenly he takes his hand and caressed my lady part. I let out a gasp and looked down. Instinctively I moved my hips and the pleasure grew! I wanted it so bad, but I had to stop. He said that my face was a mixture of not wanting it but at the same time wanting it. I really wanted it.

I got out of the car and he grabbed the hook of my pants and pulled me towards him with a smirk, that turned me on even more. He sucked my  neck a few times until I said stop because it was getting late and I needed to get inside. He said OK and left. When I got to the bathroom mirror my eyes winded.

I had hickies in my neck and in my breast! I touched them and it hurt but I couldn’t stop looking at them. Two of them were below the ear but there was one that was below the jaw line and I had to use my hair to cover it. I text him saying what he did and he responded with an apology. I smiled and send a wink-y face. 

I don’t regret it at all. 

P.S. to my F.B - Yo, dude! I know you are reading this and this is how I remembered it. Tell me if I missed anything. Don’t get turned on too much. ;)

There was a day, I think it was two months ago that I got very angry, very annoyed, pissed and I wanted to fight someone for no reason. I wanted to find and excuse to be rude and take my anger out on someone and not care if I hurt his or her feelings. I was so angry that I don’t even remember why I was angry in the first place. 

I even freaked out my cousin telling her how I wanted to punch someone really badly, to burn the university to the ground, to kick some trash cans, to yell, to vandalize some walls and doors, to break some car windows… well, you get the idea.

Then, out of no where I got this immense feeling of wanting to fuck. I was so overwhelmed of the thought that I calmed a little. As I was walking and ranting with my cousin I was feeling hot in the middle of my legs. Every time I took a step I felt good… but I was still angry! 

I wanted to rape a guy. I wanted to take this man, tie him up in a bed immobilizing him completely. Stuffed him mouth with a sock or cover his mouth with a scarf, then I would rip off his clothes and keep him nude for my sight. I would so enjoy it if I had the courage but I am as coward as the next guy or gal. Later I would sat in his member and fuck him until he cums two or three times or until he can’t get it up and has to go to a hospital for treat him. 

I would dig my nails in his back, chest, hips, legs, even his face. Also, I would bite him all over. The feeling I would get seeing squirm in pain and in pleasure would be most satisfying. The bruises and little trails of blood would made me gloat and smile evilly at the sight. 

When I snapped out of my thoughts my cousin was still talking. All day I was like that and the thought of masturbating didn’t cross my mind. One of my guy friends told me that it was normal to want sex in that kind of situations because it relives stress after I send him a text that said: “I AM FREAKING ANGRY AND I WANT TO HAVE SEX!!!!“ 

Usually I am more of take-me-rape-me-and-use-me-as-your-toy-type of gal but at that moment I wanted to dominate and use a man as my own personal sex slave. 

When I was fourteen or fifteen I wanted to masturbate by penetration but I didn’t know as much. I only new that it was going to hurt a lot and I was a little scared, but my curiosity and desire of reaching the ultimate pleasure over come that fear. 

Now, all I needed was a little of information and a person with experience and I got one. She was four or three years older than me, she was pretty… beautiful. Long, black, straight hair, perfect slim body, big brown eyes and a fashion sense that was fabulous. She had a boyfriend, he was three or two years older than her and she always told me her rants and experiences with him.

I was fascinated that a girl like me, total opposite of her was having a good time. I started wearing make-up, well liner and make-up powder and tried to actually comb my hair and wear a little less dark clothes. She had that much of a impact on me.

One day when she was teaching me how to apply shadow on my eyes she started talking about sex. I was a little embarrassed because I am not the same at home alone as I am outside with other people.

She told me that at first it hurts. I all ready knew that but what I didn’t know what that even though you had sex for the second or third time… it still hurt. Now I was a little preoccupied. The girl told me that it stopped hurting after the sixth or seventh time.

I didn’t had that kind of patience but I still wanted to do it. When I got to my grandma’s house I went to take a bath. I looked for something that could enter me, that wont hurt as much but didn’t actually make me a none virgin. Like I still had a chance at convincing my future boy that I was a virgin. 

I looked and looked and found something that could work: a tooth brush case. I sat on the bathtub, spread my legs and slowly entered me… it hurt like hell and got blood. But I didn’t gave up. 

For two weeks I entered me until I didn’t felt anything but pleasure. Now my addiction to pleasure increased that day. The downside? My mom wanted to take me to the gynecologist and I was scared as fuck but good news is that I am still 19 and I haven’t gone once. Still trying to look for an excuse to tell my doctor to tell my mom… or beg him not to say anything. I am embarrassed.

When I was young… very very young I saw my first penis. It was before I realize what masturbation was so imagine that I was the same age or a year younger. 

I have a none blood related cousin. He was the son of my uncle’s second wife and he was one or two years older than me. Since I didn’t have many male figures other than my dad I thought he was… like a God. I wanted to be with him, I wanted him to notice me and talk to me. He was all I ever wanted.

Then he took my hand and pulled me to his step brother’s room and for some reason my sister fallowed us. Since I didn’t know what was going on I didn’t see a problem with it. The three of us sat in a circle and he told us that he saw a video. It was a bout a beach and some ladies with out clothes. I don’t remember what I thought but I know that he wanted to show us what a guy did to one of those ladies.

He told me to lay down on the floor, faced down. I did and he told me to get my pants down and so I did. I could feel the cold air in my butt. Then he sat on top of my naked butt and stared jumping. I thought we were playing and I didn’t find quite odd what he was doing.

Then he got up and the three of us got out. No one said anything and went along normal. Until he pulled me again but this time to the back yard. My sister didn’t come with us and on the inside I was a little glad. When we got there he sat down and un-zipped his pants. I remember that he was circumcised and it just laying there. He took my hand and made me sat in it. There was no penetration of any kind and I don’t remember what else happened until we got busted. My mom popped her head and yelled my name.

I jumped and ran towards the house. After that I don’t remember much, only that I came out of the bathroom with my mom and he was leaving. I don’t know if he remembers or not and after that we treated each other like strangers. 

Even thought I have done what  have done I still have moral values… that comes later when I make my stupid decisions. When I was fifteen I had a stepbrother, who I still hate from the bottom of my heart. Because of him and his dad I discover what true loath is, to make scenarios about how to kill them and making it seem like an accident. Yes my hate is still that deep.

One day I was in his room, watching a program in his television. I was beside him in total silence like any other stupid day. I don’t remember why he asked me or what made him ask me. I just know that I wanted it but at the same time I didn’t. I hesitated for a while and he dropped the subject but then I asked him.

I didn’t look at his face, I didn’t want to feel bad so I just closed my eyes and lifted my pants. He slid his hand and with his fingers roamed my lady part. I suppressed a gasp. My pride was strong and I didn’t want to let him know what effects he had on me. Though he was looking in an other direction, I bit my lip. 

I got wet and he noticed. He then went to my hole and rubbed there. What stupid he was. I wanted to tell him that there wasn’t the place where the woman had the most pleasure and that it was the clit. But I didn’t want to speak so I stayed quiet. But he asked me if I wanted to grab it. I thought of it and it disgusted me so I said no. I didn’t want to touch his filthy thing. 

Then someone knocked on the door and we both jumped and I sat up. My heart was beating fast. I don’t remember if I stayed or left  but I know that after that we didn’t do it anymore.

But apparently he wasn’t satisfy and thought that I would do more with him and he was dead wrong. I was in the bathroom and he knocked on the door and I said that I was there. He insisted to let him in because he had to look for something. I said to wait and got out… he looked disappointed. I have the tendency to think things that might not happen and that might happen. This time I was right.

When I went to the bathroom to take a bath he knocked again. I don’t remember if the door was locked or not but he somehow got in and sat on the toilet. I asked him what he wanted and he said that he wanted more. At that time I was full conscious and told him no. That I didn’t want more and that he can leave the bathroom.  He laughed and he pulled the curtain a little and show me his hand making his fingers do movement, implying what he wanted to do to me.

I screamed ‘No’, crouched and covered my body with my arms. I yelled at him to get out and when I heard the door opened I said that if he touched my sister, I would kill him. Then he left. I never felt so sacared in my life and it took my sleep for a couple of days.

After that everything went normal… gosh, I hate him so much. 

When I see a woman I don’t think that she has a hot body and that I want to lick her until she cums. Of how her nipples would bruise if I pull them hard. No. I am not a lesbian but I do get turned on when I see Yuri or some of the post I see on Tumblr.

Is it weird? I have a best friend and she we are always with each other and love each other. We even make jokes about out lesbian love. But we are not and I don’t see her or anyone like that. I want to know what is wrong with me.

I all ready have an “experience” with a boy. He licked me in the neck, bite it (he even left a mark) he bite my nipples and caressed my lady part. It was fantastic, with this I realize that I do like boys. But when I see the face of a girl in the screen with another girl I get turned on. 

I try not to think about it too much because it gets worse. I even asked the boy what he thought and he didn’t know how to answer me. Though, he doesn’t mind since he has fantasies with my best friend (who I mentioned earlier) and even got turned on when my little sister (one year younger, btw) started playing with his hair.

I think lesbian couples are cute and also gay couples. But I don’t think I roll that way. It’s a very confusing matter and I really want some help. 

This was just one of my random thoughts… 

When I was seven I discovered that the televition provided me for something that I could use when I wanted to feel good. 

Porn.

I saw what penetration was and I really wanted it. The woman in the screen looked like she was enjoying it… loving it with all her might. Every time he went faster and deeper she screamed in pleasure; sounds that I couldn’t make because I didn’t want to be found out. 

Another thing that I found out was that the guy was looking as in pleasure and pain as the woman. He was sitting in a chair and she was jumping in his lap. He looked hopelessly in pleasure. I wanted to do that too. I wanted to pleasure a man as long as he pleasures me. Isn’t that was sex is about?

I had to watch this channel when my parents or my sister wasn’t near and always had to put the volume in mute or low. I wanted to hear them moan once in a while. 

In another time I saw that men could actually lick a women’s lady part. I felt my little part beat like a heart when I saw that one. I wanted it. I remember that that day I used my dad’s special cushion to masturbate. The points where hard and itchy and every time I pressed it in my clit I would go insane until I would cum. 

My first pleasure was when I was six years old. I was in my bath tub playing with one of my toys when suddenly I had the idea of slowly getting the head of the toy in my young lady part. I was young but I still wonder why I did it. It was the first time I moaned and felt good and I wanted to feel it all the time.

Everyday, I started playing with myself. I hid myself from my little sister and parents. Even if I didn’t know much, something told me that it wasn’t right for my parents to know. So I did it mostly in the shower. 

Until I orgasm. That was the most wonderful and tired day of my life. I was panting and twitching. It was hard to close my legs and walk; every time I did it was like a electric shock of pleasure and pain. My little body couldn’t stand it.

I realize that to get to that state I had to rub in a certain place. It was like a little lump and every time I touched it I rolled my eyes in pleasure. It had to be done slowly and in circular motions. Other times I had to do it up and down. Not too hard nor too soft. It had to be the right way. 

That was my first time masturbating. I was six years old…